Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Darn You, Sky Mall Magazine!

I flew back to New Orleans over the weekend for a wedding. Got to hold a 4 week-old baby and listen to a very, very good homily. It was a great trip.

Once I landed, for some reason I started having a pain in my chest when I took a deep breath. As some of you know, I had a pulmonary embolism after I gave birth to Lucia. Every time I have any type of pain in my chest or legs, I start this whole little dialogue in my head. "Go to the hospital. No, it's nothing. Really, call someone. It's nothing. Is the pain constant or only when you breath in? Just forget about it." All while I'm taking these exaggerated breaths to see if they will make me cough or feel light-headed.

Whenever someone finds out that I've had a P.E., they flip out, tell me a story about someone they knew or heard about that died from a PE and finish it off with, "You are so lucky!" And as much as I know that I am, and as thankful as I know I should be, I just can't be. It's hard to be thankful when you're busy worrying. When I try to focus on being thankful, I start feeling lucky, then question if I will get lucky again and go back to worrying. It's really very stupid.

During this particular worry session, I was trying to remember if changes in air pressure, from flying. increases a persons chances for a blood clot. Then I started with the deep breathes and wondering if every flight would now make me worry even more... all while cursing myself for not getting up and stretching my legs - darn you, Sky Mall magazine!!!

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